She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
