but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
