You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
me + whiskey = a bad person
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize