It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
