thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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