I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
