This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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