I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize