im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
