before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
