Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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