Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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