Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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