I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize