The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
