On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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