I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize