"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
