im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
