sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
