just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
