So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
