Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
