This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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