I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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