giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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