That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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