I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
