just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
