He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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