im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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