im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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