Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
