Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
