Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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