Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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