Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize