Fine. I'll sleep in my office
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
