dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
