according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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