but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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