Dude my mom stole all your condoms
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
