so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
