Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
