hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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