I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
