So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm both gender and math confused
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
