Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
