she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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