he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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