How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
