im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize