we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
