I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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