no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
