I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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