I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
