I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Less talking, more tequila
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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