and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
