I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my being single is dangerous.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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