Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
