Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
