I didn't shave. On purpose
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
