What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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