i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
