Do you still have your period?
My pussy is not your playground.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
