I'd wear matching sweaters with you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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