I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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