the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
