youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
