Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize