So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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