i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
