I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
