Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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