what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
