she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
