What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
