Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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