my mouth tastes like poor choices
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
