Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
