I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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