We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
