I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
