I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
