How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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