On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
