im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
